


primus may judge us (but his sins outnumber our own)

by openquestion



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Crack, Gen, Group Chat/Discord Server, this was........a mistake but here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2020-10-06 19:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20511947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/openquestion/pseuds/openquestion
Summary: The Autobots have been using a different means of communication lately.





	1. autobot high command

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /slaps discord server
> 
> this bad boy can fit so many robots in it
> 
> *don't hide the work-skin/creator's style or read on mobile i beg or it'll look like complete trash

  
# willy-wonkas-dipshit-factory  
  


ratchet  
alright, who let jazz change the group name again  


* * *

Prowl  
As he is the owner of the server, we have very little say in the matter.  


* * *

the science guy  
you have to admit, this is an improvement on "war-criminals-but-like-sexy"  


* * *

ratchet  
barely  


* * *

j man    
im a visionary unappreciated in my time   


* * *

Prowl  
You're a menace.  


* * *

j man    
  


* * *

Dadtimus Prime  
Am I Willy Wonka?  


* * *

ratchet  
bold of you to assume you're not one of the dipshits  


* * *

Dadtimus Prime  
  


* * *

Prowl  
_Ratchet._  


* * *

j man    
o shit go off ratch  


* * *

the science guy  
  


* * *

ratchet  
listen, if anyone's running this idiot factory, it's me  
i've spent so much time putting you fraggers back together that your armor is _my_ property  


* * *

the science guy  
wow, ratchet  


* * *

j man    
zamn zaddy ur dom is showing o;  


* * *

Prowl  
...  
Can we go back to comms.  
_Please._  


* * *

Dadtimus Prime  
I'm sorry, Prowl, but right now, this is our best option for confidential transmissions.  
The Decepticons don't have any interest in trying to track this particular mode of communication, though  
we're not sure why.  


* * *

j man    
(its bc soundwaves a coward)  


* * *

Prowl  
I've never sympathized with him more.  
All due respect, Prime, but exactly what part of this conversation necessitates secrecy?  


* * *

the science guy  
honestly? all of it  
imagine if the troops caught wind of ratchet calling optimus a dipshit  


* * *

j man    
thats nothing, ratch would call primus a bitch to his face  


* * *

ratchet  
damn right i would  


* * *

Dadtimus Prime  
  


* * *

Prowl  
I think...  
I'm going to defect.  


* * *

j man    
  


* * *

CSO  
_**PROWL'S DEFECTING??!!!!??!!?**_  


* * *

j man    
lmao   
wait   
shit reD N O -  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the entire base was in lockdown for eight hours.
> 
> (prowl spent most of that time in the brig)
> 
> next up: spec ops


	2. special operations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone thinks spec ops is cool and swapping assassination techniques or some shit when they hang out, but actually all they do is watch reality tv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right after i posted the first chapter i got Wildly sick which i can only assume was primus striking me down for my transgressions
> 
> unfortunately for him, i can't be stopped

  
#does-therapy-have-a-drive-thru  
  


babey b   
hello!  


* * *

Mirage  
I'm literally sitting right next to you, Bumblebee.  


* * *

babey b   
wow, i didn't notice  
no, i'm trying to see where jazz's at  
jaaaaaaaaaaazz  
hey jazz hey  
heyyyyyyyyy  
j a z z  
_jazz_  
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaazzZZZZ  


* * *

Mirage  
We could just start without him.  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
boys  
my beautiful boys  
my darling beloved boys  
if u watch triple d without me again ill demote both of u  


* * *

Mirage  
I make no promises.  


* * *

babey b   
what's the holdup boss?  
we've got everything queued up and raj brought those silver gummies you like!  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
noOOOoooOOoO  
prowlers still not cleared for active duty yet so hes makin me do his paperwork :(  


* * *

Mirage  
Isn't that what you're supposed to do regardless? You _are_ third-in-command.  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
  
sounds fake but okay  
ill b done soon there are just.............so many forms  
theres like 40 subsections on some recent decepticon recruitment wtf  


* * *

babey b   
  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
no offence but if megatron asked me 2 die for the cause i would simply say no thanks  


* * *

babey b   
i would just say "lord megatron sir, the vibes here are absolutely disgusting"  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
rip 2 the decepticons but im different  
ugh i cant believe prowl actually fills all these lil boxes out i just skip em  


* * *

Mirage  
It's because he's a Capricorn.  


* * *

babey b   
here we go  


* * *

Mirage  
No, shush, I'm serious.  
Prowl has so many Capricorn features, it makes _sense_.  
Ascendant in particular influences how one presents oneself: the Capricorn drive, aloofness, authority?  
It fits and you both know it.  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
raj ur so cute i love u  


* * *

Mirage  
Thank you.  
I'm still going to start this episode of Chef's Table without you.  


* * *

morpheus dorpheus  
_bitch_  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i think mirage is into astrology, no i do not take constructive criticism  

> 
> up next: prowl's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shift


	3. monitor duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bots on duty make do

  
#enormous-sibling-is-viewing-you  
  


swiper no swiping  
uh oh sisters, officer on shift!!!!  
hold onto your seats it's about to get twice as boring!!!!!!!  


* * *

green thumb  
don't be rude, sides.  


* * *

Prowl  
It's alright, Hound.  
I'd be more concerned if he _wasn't_ like this, honestly.  


* * *

sunstreaking  
yeah don't mind him, he's just got a chronic case of the stupids  


* * *

swiper no swiping  
uh okay at least i'm not UGLY like you  


* * *

green thumb  
that's not nice!   


* * *

sunstreaking  
we're twins  
http://fake-image-hoster.com/????????.png  
  


* * *

swiper no swiping  
yeah but you've got me beat for pure **Gruesome** sunny d  
lookin like a moldy banana w/ that finish  


* * *

sunstreaking  
oh i've got you beat alright  
with a slagging _rock_ as soon as i find one  


* * *

poker? i barely know her!  
is this what humans call the cain instinct  


* * *

green thumb  
smokescreen, you're not helping!  


* * *

swiper no swiping  
  
that's you  


* * *

sunstreaking  
YOU'RE FUCK IN G **_D E A D_**  


* * *

poker? i barely know her!  
if there were two bots on base and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what  


* * *

green thumb  
oh primus, the twins just broke a console -   


* * *

Prowl  
I'll take care of them, stay at your post.  


* * *

green thumb  
yes, sir!  


* * *

Prowl  
...Smokescreen, I sincerely hope you aren't taking bets right now.  


* * *

poker? i barely know her!  
  


* * *

Prowl  
Life in the brig might have been better than I gave it credit for.  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of these icons are too small to be anything but private jokes 4 me but [smokescreen's](https://i.redd.it/audhz2yqx8l01.png) is too funny not to share
> 
> up next: finale (?????)


	4. prime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a meeting with upper management

  
@ OptimusPrime  
  


Prowl  
Prime, I need to speak to you.  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
Of course, you know you're always welcome. Has something come up?  


* * *

Prowl  
I was hoping to discuss the wisdom of communicating through this human platform, if you wouldn't mind.  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
I always appreciate your input, Prowl.  


* * *

Prowl  
Thank you.  
I believe we should seriously reconsider the use, even temporary, of this application for communications.  
It's far too easily accessible and the software is by no means secure, even by human standards.   


* * *

OptimusPrime  
Yes, you and Red Alert brought up this issue when we first discussed the matter. But we thought that Jazz's  
point about it being heavily trafficked as a means of camouflage were salient. The Decepticons would never  
expect to find important Autobot transmissions on an Earth chat client, regardless of its security level.  


* * *

Prowl  
Be that as it may, I also believe it's becoming too much of a distraction for the soldiers.   


* * *

OptimusPrime  
I'm sure they're just having a bit of fun.  


* * *

Prowl  
Optimus, _everything_ is out of order. Do you even know how many servers and subservers there are now?  
Keeping track of them all isn't just impractical — it's _impossible_. There are countless pages of messages  
and more than half of them are completely nonsensical! I don't know where they're getting it from, but I  
_strongly_ advise that we start considering other avenues.  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
You seem stressed, Prowl. Are you doing alright?  


* * *

Prowl  
I'm  
...Yes, thank you. It's just been something of a long morning for me.   


* * *

OptimusPrime  
May I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?  
  


* * *

Prowl  
The twins are doing time in the brig again and th  
What.  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
Did it not send? Let me try again.  
  
It's a very popular 'meme'.  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
Prowl?  
Are you there?  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rose from the grave after eight months of hiatus because u kno i had 2 do it 2 him
> 
> up next: the end (for real)


	5. the aftermath (bonus)

  
@ OptimusPrime  
  


juice  
hey op  
i think i just heard prowl screamin in his office  
oh nvm lol he just slammed the door and hes stompin off somewhere now  
whats his deal??????  


* * *

OptimusPrime  
As the humans say, Jazz, "it be like that sometimes".  


* * *

juice  
cheers ill drink 2 that bro   


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is just titled 'sry prowl' in my google drive  

> 
>   
anyways, thanks for sticking around!!


End file.
